Some social interactions can hard for anyone to handle. Often, you can find yourself in an unpleasant social situation that you’d rather not repeat. For those of us who would prefer to fend off all future invitations to social outings rather than just politely decline, here is a handy reference guide of things to do to make sure you’re never invited out again.

1) Make up a witty nickname for everyone within earshot. Call everyone by their nickname loudly and often.

2) Show off your rash.

3) Start a long, complicated joke, but forget the punchline. Spend the next five minutes mumbling to yourself and trying to remember it.

4) When someone else starts to tell a joke, finish it for them - badly.

5) Complain about the price of everything on the menu.

6) Call a waiter to your table by raising your arm high above your head and waving it wildly, just like a kid asking for the bathroom pass in school.

7) Order the messiest thing on the menu, and then eat it with your hands. Ribs are good for this.

8 ) In the middle of a meal and with a mouth full of food, pull out your handy Pocket-Sized Book of Manners, flip to a page marked with a Post-It, read it, and look relieved. Then carefully spit your food into your napkin and place said napkin in your pocket.

9) Bring your iPod and remain connected to it all evening.

10) Repeatedly steer the conversation back to religion, politics, or serial killers. Bonus points if you can include all three in the same conversation.

10) Spell interesting things with your food.

11) Text message the host of the party and ask them to ‘rescue call’ you so you can escape from the horrible social engagement you got roped into.

12) Practice your ventriloquist act all evening.

13) Bring your resumé or head shot and pass it out to everyone present - including the waiter and random people at the next table.

14) Show up late and leave immediately after you finish eating.

15) Loudly suggest to everyone that you “make the night a little more interesting,” drop your car keys into an empty bowl, and suggest that others do the same.

16) Ask for bites off of strangers’ plates.

17) Answer every statement with the phrase “I know you are, but what am I?”

18 )Do it in a Pee-Wee Herman voice if you’re particularly sadistic.

19) Wear so much cologne that your odor arrives at least 30 seconds before you do.

20) When someone you’ve just met starts to tell a personal story, roll your eyes and groan “Ugh, not this one again.”

21) Smoke cigars. When you’re asked to put your cigar out, smoke two at once.

22) Use profanity whenever possible, especially when within earshot of children.

23) Try out all of the ringtones on your phone.

24) Play air guitar constantly.

25) Clip your fingernails at the table. Ideally, gather and arrange them on your plate.